Method

Speak about yourself kindly (and 'the old me')

Against chronic self-criticism: speak to yourself kindly (as you would to a friend) and frame old self-critical traits as 'that was the old me'. Caveat from the research: forced grand affirmations ('I'm wonderful') can backfire for people with low self-esteem — what works is kindness and realism, not positive slogans by force.

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A neurodivergent brain receives tens of thousands more negative messages through childhood than a neurotypical one; these compound into a chronic, harsh inner monologue. The counterweight is NOT forcing praise on yourself — it’s self-compassion: speak to yourself the way you’d speak to a friend in trouble.

Important caveat from the research: repeated grand affirmations like ‘I’m wonderful / lovable’ can make people with low self-esteem feel worse (Wood 2009) — they clash with what you actually believe. So aim for kind but CREDIBLE statements (‘today was hard and I did what I could’), not declarations you don’t buy.

A separate, helpful move is temporal distancing: frame old self-critical traits in the past tense and as ‘a previous person’ — ‘I used to be like that, but I don’t want to be anymore’. This peels the labels off who you are now (not an affirmation, but reframing identity over time). Writing by hand can help, as it slows you down and consolidates.

Helps with

Resources & links

1 source

Holly Morris
- 18:38 Holly Morris Opens Up About Late ADHD Diagnosis ('Holly 2.0', speak kindly / in third person)
- 19:05 Holly Morris Opens Up About Late ADHD Diagnosis (~10,000 more criticisms before age 10)

What the research says

Scientific grade verified against the literature. No entries = no direct studies (graded from mechanism/experience).

What the grade means

A A — strongest evidence: meta-analyses or RCTs directly confirm it works (or, for diagnostic tools, strong validation of accuracy).

B B — good evidence: a single RCT, or a strong mechanism with supporting studies.

C C — weak / preliminary: a plausible mechanism, but few direct, controlled tests.

D D — no evidence: theory or isolated anecdotes, no studies.

Applies to: ADHD Autism AuDHD