It's not me, it's the monkey brain (three-brains technique)
When RSD, shame, or an unhealthy impulse hits, attribute the feeling to 'little you' or your 'monkey brain', not to yourself: 'that's not me, that's my monkey brain wanting the snack / feeling rejected'. It's a cognitive trick that separates the reactive part from your adult self so you can treat it with compassion. Key: keep it SIMPLE.
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You have ‘three brains’: reptilian, monkey, and adult. The adult prefrontal cortex doesn’t fully mature until your 20s–30s, and with ADHD it’s weaker and slower — so in a hot moment the monkey/child brain runs the show. It’s easier to manage when you treat it as a PART of you, not as you.
When RSD or shame hits, pause and say: ‘wait — that’s not me, that’s little [name] / my inner monkey brain’. You peel the emotion off your identity, which lets you be kind to it instead of identifying with the shame.
The same move works on behavioural impulses: walking toward an unhealthy snack, say ‘that’s not me, that’s my monkey brain wanting it — my adult, logical part doesn’t’. The most important thing: keep it simple. If you over-complicate and overthink it, you’ll just do the thing impulsively anyway.
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What the research says
Scientific grade verified against the literature. No entries = no direct studies (graded from mechanism/experience).
- Regulating Emotion Through Distancing: A Taxonomy, Neurocognitive Model, and Supporting Meta-Analysismeta-analysis · 2019
- Third-person self-talk facilitates emotion regulation without engaging cognitive control: Converging evidence from ERP and fMRIRCT · 2017
- The effectiveness of self-distanced versus self-immersed reflections among adults: systematic review and meta-analysis of experimental studiesmeta-analysis · 2023
- Cognitive Defusion as Strategy to Reduce the Intensity of Craving Episodes and Improve Eating BehaviorRCT · 2019