Protect the special interest when it's a person
When a partner becomes your special interest, a breakup is a double whammy: you lose the relationship AND a core means of self-regulation, so generic comfort like 'plenty more fish in the sea' lands as useless. Name the double loss, and deliberately keep separate, non-person special interests alive as regulation.
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For autistic people a special interest is not just a hobby — it is a source of grounding, calm and self-care, a regulation system. When that interest becomes fused with a specific person, the relationship is also carrying the regulation, and a breakup becomes a double whammy: you lose the attachment and the means of self-soothing at the same time, which is why the devastation is disproportionate and why generic comfort like ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea’ is useless — it speaks only to the relationship half of the loss. The protective move is structural and pre-emptive: keep separate, non-person special interests genuinely alive so your regulation never rests entirely on one human. And in the aftermath, name the double loss explicitly — recognising that part of the pain is a lost regulation tool, not only a lost partner — so the recovery can deliberately rebuild that tool rather than only grieving the person.
