Outsource logistics and boundary-enforcement to someone else
ADHD means you won't remember to ask for the details until it's too late, and an excitable people-pleasing brain caves on boundaries 'just this once'. Hand both jobs to a third party: have someone gather event logistics on your behalf via an automated reminder, and let them decline offers that break your rules — they aren't subject to your in-the-moment impulses.
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Two predictable failure points can be handed off rather than fought. The first is logistics: ADHD stops you thinking about the practical details — time, address, contact, who to ask for — until the morning of the event, by which point it’s too late to gather them, and the autistic need for predictability then triggers panic from the missing information. The fix is to tell a manager, agent or support person plainly: ‘I won’t remember to ask you for these things, but I do need them,’ and have them set an automated reminder to collect that information on your behalf before each event. The second is boundaries. In the moment, an excitable and people-pleasing brain rationalises exceptions — ‘just this once, I’ll do it for less’ — so boundaries you genuinely hold quietly collapse. A delegate who holds the line isn’t experiencing that impulse: give them your rules (nothing under this fee, no more than X commitments a month, this much notice required) and let them gatekeep, declining offers before you’re ever in the room where excitement or people-pleasing would break the rule. Both moves rest on the same recognition: rather than relying on a brain that reliably fails at forward-planning and impulse-control, route those specific jobs to someone or something that doesn’t.
