Delay every invitation, then default to no
Never answer an invitation or time-demand in the moment. Say you'll check your diary and reply within a couple of days, hide your phone, and use the window to run a written pros-and-cons list. Default to declining or delaying rather than accepting — it's far easier to upgrade a no to a yes than to downgrade a yes to a no.
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An in-the-moment yes is unreliable when people-pleasing, rejection-sensitivity and day-to-day energy swings are all pulling on the answer — you can’t feel now how you’ll feel next week, and you’ll agree to things you’ll later dread. Two rules fix this. First, always buy time: respond to any invitation or time-demand with ‘I’m checking my diary and I’ll get back to you within a couple of days,’ then put the phone away and, in the window, write a literal pros-and-cons list so the decision comes from your actual capacity rather than the social pressure of the moment. A delayed answer is still an answer, and ‘I’ll get back to you’ is a complete one. Second, default toward the softer option — a no or a pause rather than a yes — because the two reversals are not equally costly. Upgrading a no to a yes a week later is easy and pleasantly surprises people; downgrading a yes to a no means backing out of a commitment, which triggers guilt and fear of disappointing someone. So treat the initial answer as a soft no you can happily upgrade if it turns out you do want it, not a yes you’ll have to painfully unwind.
