Method

A couple's secret language and shared symbol

As a couple build your own code (a word or signal) to flag 'I'm not feeling great / I'm edgy' even in public, plus a shared symbol of a good time (the cat's name, a trip you took) that pulls memory back to the positive in a moment of escalation.

This page isn't typically flagged for the selected profile — shown because you opened it directly.

Two tools a couple can set up in advance. First: a secret language — a pre-agreed code, word or signal to discreetly and early (before it escalates) flag that one of you isn’t feeling great or is edgy. It works even in public, with no full confrontation. Second: a shared symbol — something with genuine shared meaning (the cat’s name, a favourite food, a trip you took) that represents a time when you were good together. In a moment of escalation, invoking it interrupts the loop: it pulls both partners’ memory back to the positive state and reminds you why you’re together. Pick a symbol that brings a smile to both faces — truly yours, not plucked off a shelf.

Helps with

Resources & links

1 source

What the research says

Scientific grade verified against the literature. No entries = no direct studies (graded from mechanism/experience).

What the grade means

A A — strongest evidence: meta-analyses or RCTs directly confirm it works (or, for diagnostic tools, strong validation of accuracy).

B B — good evidence: a single RCT, or a strong mechanism with supporting studies.

C C — weak / preliminary: a plausible mechanism, but few direct, controlled tests.

D D — no evidence: theory or isolated anecdotes, no studies.

Applies to: ADHD Autism AuDHD